so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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