he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
