I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
