Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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