you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
