I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
