i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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