you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
