It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
