oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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