if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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