So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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