I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
