So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
