Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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