Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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