Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
