My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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