i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
