I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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