He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
