He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
