I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
