when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
