You just made me feel so damn special
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
