How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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