Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
