I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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