two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
