He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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