my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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