i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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