Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
