Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
