i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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