I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
