Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
