i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
