So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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