he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am one with the molecules
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
