I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
