How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
