My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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