He kissed a someone with a penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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