if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
