I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
