hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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