So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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