operation harelip BJ is a go
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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