Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
