You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
