How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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