Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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