I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
